Yes, I know I haven’t been posting much lately. As it turns out, having a baby cuts into your comic-reading and Internet-surfing. (Who knew?) I was also using a simple test, devised by John Scalzi. Every time I sat down at the computer, I asked myself: is the book done? If no, then no blogging.
Now that the book is done (at least until edits), I’m free to impart more pearls of wisdom gathered during childcare.
- Stuff my daughter likes already: Mozart; Barenaked Ladies; Adam Carolla; the Bourne trilogy (Seriously, slept like… well, a baby, even during the most violent parts); the Enchanted Duet; Dan Zanes (It must be something they inject in utero).
- Stuff that annoys my daughter already: Stephen Colbert (I think she finds his faux-Bill O’Reilly act a bit forced now. It’s either that or the pitch of his voice.); Family Guy; CNN.
- For those of you afraid I’m making my newborn watch TV, relax. She’s just listening to the above. Usually while she sleeps. There’s no need to call Child Protective Services.
- Baby products are, for the most part, pure crap. Our pediatrician is fond of saying, “Baby care products have no place in baby care.” She’s right. I’m no chemist, but I don’t think using something that’s flammable will soothe a baby’s diaper rash. Likewise, nothing absorbs spit-up like baby clothes. Five minutes after changing her outfit, she’s soaked. The manufacturers should consider using the material that goes into the burp cloths. I have yet to find anything in the house less absorbent, and that includes my neoprene wetsuit. Spit runs off those things like an oil slick.
- Cute is an evolutionary defense mechanism. Someone pukes on you in a bar, and you’d put a beer bottle into his face. Your baby does it, and you grin like an idiot because of the toothless smile she gives you afterward.
- I was in no way prepared to have a child before now. But I sort of wish I’d had a baby in my twenties, if for no other reason than my knees and back would have been ten years younger.
- Our child is a freaking genius. She talks, giggles and sings along with the radio. Clearly, she’s going to be the first supermodel/kickboxer/Nobel prize winner. But we’re not going to pressure her.
